We have all thought of it once or twice. Even more often than we would care to admit. We have all considered the attached benefits that would follow it and the limitless enjoyments that we would achieve from such an endeavour. It would sound so easy, glamorous and cool, as we have all seen people around who we believe have done it and it seems to be panning out just well for them, considering.
Why do we hesitate to do it, though?
Maybe its the fear of the ugly repercussions promised to those who venture down such a path. We have heard tales, read books, thought thoughts. All of these work to dissuade us from partaking in this forbidden fruit. We weigh these against the pomp, glamour and pageantry and we still find them wanting, so we remain in our squalid conditions, for fear of what might or might not happen.
But then again, it is a good life, is it not? We want to do it, and with every invitation, we want to do it more and more… and more. By now, I believe you already know what it is I speak of.
Yes. We all know the story of John Faustus and the deal he made with the devil (Thank you, Marlowe for the grisly ending). Some of us have read The Sorrows of Satan and appreciated the sweet and sour imagery. We have all watched movies like Ghost Rider and imagined we would not spend such a wonderful gift riding motorcycles or any dumb shit like that (forgive the language). We already have mapped out all the insane debaucheries that we would invest in, given the opportunity.
Yes… but these things are for the brave. Men like Niccolo Paganini, Father Urbain Grandier and men of talent like Giuseppe Tartini. Not for cowards like you and I. Our part in this is to celebrate and document all the activities of the brave who can afford to be reckless with their souls. Yet again, among the weak, there are some with leonine souls that can shoot forth in brilliance and seize the opportunity when it pops up. This work is for them. This work is a somewhat detailed treatise on how to sell your soul to the devil.
- KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING: Selling your soul is a treacherous thing. It is not as straightforward as traipsing into Walmart for a Snickers bar. No. It has real repercussions that must be duly considered or the Devil will attempt to rob you blind. Persons who sell their souls are often smart people or they do so with the help of a guide to work out the kinks of the relationship. What many people underestimate is the willingness of the Devil to obtain their souls… however, He will attempt to exploit any loopholes to cheat one out of his due resources. Selling your soul entails making a pact with the Devil to remain in Hell after death in exchange for a few earthly pleasures while alive. The terms of the arrangement must be worked out to the finest detail (A good lawyer would help), to ensure that no party get ripped off (in this case, you). You should be aware that this deal cannot be reneged on with ease, and once it has been signed, it is binding. You may as well want to take note that you are the only one with something to lose. If that is fine with you, then you can move on to the next bullet point.
- HAVE SOMETHING TO TRADE: It is a trade, however you decide to regard it. Before the trade can occur, both parties must have articles to trade. The Devil has his own part locked down and has more than enough articles to trade and spare. However, the individual should have something valuable to deal. The person has to have a pure soul or some innate talent that can be exploited by the Dark Lord. Besides the fact that he is expanding the client base of the infernal regions, He needs to get his message out. His customers may be among your circles. As a matter of course, it is often individuals who have somewhat distinguished themselves in certain fields. We have names like Paganini, de Rais etc. This doesn’t mean that untalented people have nothing to offer. The more popular and noted transfers are of people who are extensively talented. The bottom line is to have something to trade, however minuscule it may be, and I am sure that you and the Dark Lord can work out a deal. The weight of the deal, however, depends on how much he can mine out of your damned soul.
- KNOW WHO YOU ARE SELLING TO: Most people think that the Devil is the only individual who is in the market for souls. There are a lot of other entities that are in the market too. I cannot mention them for fear of copyright infringement, but they are there. You must be certain who you are selling to. I cannot assure you that the Devil’s rates are the best, but I can tell that you will get what you ask for… at an impressive price, nonetheless. There are books and tutorials on how to summon the Prince of Persia, also detailing how to recognize him when he shows up and how to address him. If you are not the summoning type, there have been accounts of places where you can go and find a direct line to the Devil himself. Note that he is not Omnipresent. He might send an assistant to keep you company as he has a lot of work to do. Just be patient and he will get right to you. Your business is valuable to him. Now, do not talk terms with anybody, even in a representative capacity, as you will most certainly be ripped off. Just wait until the big kahuna comes along and present your bargain.
- KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GETTING: When you purchase an item at the market or store, you inspect it to be sure you are getting what you paid for. If it was defective in any way, you would promptly return it and ask for a replacement or a refund. Now, this would be difficult if you did not know what you were buying in the first place, wouldn’t it? Sure it would. So be sure of what you are asking for and don’t cut any corners or sell yourself short. You are paying prime dollar for this, so the services should be worth it. Maybe not dollars, but you get the point. Therefore, renown experts in this field have advised that you make up your mind before entering the transaction, as some of these spirits are nasty and difficult to get rid of if the heart is not pure. Read all the terms of the contracts (there could be several sub-contracts, like veganism, etc). Be sure of what you’re walking into. Be sure of the bargain you are getting.
- FIND THE DEVIL: There are various accounts about the devil and they mostly do not seem to be talking about the same dude. For these purposes, we are referring to the Judeo-Christian devil as he appears to be the most popular and has a more detailed account in his honour. He is also the one who appears to be in the market for souls at the moment. According to the Bible, the Devil warred with God and His angels and got cast out of heaven onto the earth. This account means that the devil would naturally be within the earthen domain and therefore, more easily accessible. We have found that this is not so. Many people have rendered accounts of running into the devil at one time or the other, but who trust the words of crazy people (insert laughing face smiley here)? We believe that the absolute best way is by summoning. I highly doubt that he would be living in some cave with horns and tails like some Krampus or be an elegantly dressed elitist playboy. No. I believe he would be more subtle than that. There are many tomes that give detailed instructions on summoning and what-not but that is not what this article is about. Give them a look-see and determine for yourself if you’d travel to the devil or rather have him come to you.
- SET THE DEAL UP PROPERLY: Like I mentioned before, there are a lot of nuances and necessary politics to this transaction. To make this contract, you need to know what you can and can not do. For example, you can introduce a 100-year life extension contract. The devil will not tell you this but it is a negotiation. It is not his problem and frankly, he’d prefer to close the deal soon as possible. You are already going to burn in the fires of hell, so, why stop at age 80? Live it up. You only get to do this once. Do some research and know what the negotiating terms are. Find out what your options are. I repeat… do not sell yourself short. For copyright reasons, I cannot give you the sources to research your options, but with some searching, you can find it. I have faith in you.
- ENJOY EVERY OPPORTUNITY YOU GET: Certainly you will have the dark cloud of impending demise and condemnation hanging over you like the fabled sword of Damocles or even worse for the rest of your life. The trick, though, is to not dwell on it. You technically can not pass away until your deal is done (we think), so exploit every opportunity to enjoy your life. This is imperative to the deal. Why pay all that money for a luxury car and end up not driving it past 2,000 miles? Enjoy the luxury.
In conclusion, I would like to say again that this is some serious business and it is not to be taken lightly. Even though it is mostly irreversible, and a middle finger to the devil, you can attempt to snatch your soul back by running to God and hoping His divine mercy finds you worthy. Know that if this fails, you will not be a very welcome guest in the fires of hell. Also, please do not try to sell the soul of a friend or a partner or any other human being. This is a very messed up thing to do. It is not good and I even doubt that the devil would accept such a bargain. It does not matter if you have the person’s written permission, signed by him and witnessed to by his parents or legal guardians. It is messed up. Those parents too, who attempt to sell their children before they are born and end up tying down everybody’s future in a stupid contract for a few more hectares of farmland, you are terrible people and you deserve to die.
If you read this guide and the trade works well for you, please be sure to look me up. I would appreciate a few thousand bucks as a way of saying thank you. Remember that this is a labour of love and I do not want the idiots to win.